Dom’s story: the toolkit that transformed her life

It wasn’t until Dom decided she “wasn’t too old” to join a colouring-in group that her journey towards healing began.

The simple activity is part of a ‘toolkit’ that has transformed her life. There’s also the blank journal found in the noisy television room of the Coffs Harbour Base Hospital mental health unit where she writes her thoughts; a ‘hope box’ containing little things that give her joy – a pen with a fluffy pink feather, peach-flavoured breath mints, a tiny bottle of lavender that reminds her of her mum; and daily beach walks with a friend where the sun and ocean breeze work their magic.

And then there’s her ‘incredibly fortunate’ connection with the Wesley Lifeforce Aftercare support group, which started in Coffs Harbour just as Dom left the mental health unit after a serious suicide attempt. Our service works with individuals to develop a personalised support plan, integrate clinical care and connect them with social wellbeing supports, such as housing, finances and counselling.

“My peer worker there was brilliant,” Dom says. “It’s very hard to claw your way back into the world from a place of suicidal thinking, but the program helped me rediscover joy in my life. When you have these sorts of tools in your toolkit, you feel you have options, choices, and maybe even solutions.

“These very simple things have helped me rediscover, or actually discover, what it is to be me, and what it is that I can do to keep the odds of positive mental health stacked in my favour.”

It’s a far cry from her decades from childhood to middle age.

Dom is calm, open and measured as she describes them, but they were characterised by shame, chaos, trauma, judgement and an overwhelming sense she had nothing to offer.

She was shadowed by thoughts of suicide – thoughts she tried to make reality more than once – and struggling to deal with the fallout of a troubled upbringing, conflict, unregulated emotions and a bipolar condition that wasn’t diagnosed until she was in her 40s.

It isn’t always smooth sailing, but Dom’s life is very different today. She’s active in the Wesley Lifeforce Suicide Prevention Network in Coffs Harbour and a wise advocate for those struggling to overcome thoughts of self-harm. She’s found self-compassion and self-forgiveness and those small things that can create joy. Most of all, she’s learned the value of speaking out about suicide, which claimed more than 3200 lives in Australia in 2022*, to raise awareness, improve services and help those in crisis.

“It’s confronting when people talk about their experience of suicide,” Dom says. “There’s still a lot of stigma in the community, a lot of misunderstanding, a lot of fear. But it’s an important thing to talk about. At a community level, we can do things to help.”

Dom is determined to help others haunted by thoughts of self-harm.

“Every person has a different experience of distress but there are a lot of services. Just put up your hand up as soon as possible; there are a lot of services. Even if it’s just talking to a stranger – just talk to someone and tell them about what you’re going through.

Society is changing and the more we talk about this, the more it encourages people to get the support they need and deserve.